The crazy guy inside me

Of late, I have been asked by many people if I am crazy. Usually, the conversation starts when I, in my moments of self doubt, ask my lady friends if they think I am good looking. Usually, this question is ignored or replied with a "No!!". Then I share my insecurity with them, "Maybe, she thought I was ugly looking. That's why she left me". And pat comes the reply, "Are you crazy??!!". Yeah, I guess people are not so heartless that they opt out of a relationship because of their mates repulsive looks. If that were the reason then probably they wouldn't have entered into the relationship in the first case. Not to say that I am repulsive. In fact, I am not even unattractive.

My ex trails my close friends by a close margin in calling me crazy. Sometimes it is because of some favour I did to her by going out of my way. I think those times she is not accusing me of being crazy. It is her way of thanking way for going that extra mile to prove my worth. Other times, she doesn't actually say aloud that I am crazy. But I know that is what must have been going through her mind. After all, after all these years, I had learned to read between the lines when I was talking/chatting to her. Like the other night, when she didn't receive my call for whatever reasons and I went berserk and called her 35-40 times before she finally had to pick up the call.

The problem is not that people ask me if I am crazy. The problem is that I do have a crazy part inside me. Sometimes it is that crazy person that people adore. Like the one who is crazy enough to tell that boss that he might be wrong about something (and then go on to systematically prove that he was infact wrong). Other times, it is the person that people truly loathe. Like the time when I called her 35-40 times just because I was irritated that she wouldn't pick up the phone. Or the time when I tried to tell her that she had cheated on me and she didn't deserve me. Now that I think about it, people shouldn't be told that they don't deserve you. I told her through words. She had told me by hiding her new relationship with the other guy. It was crazy of me to say whatever I said. And again, that guy wasn't me. It was the crazy guy inside me.

So what should I do about this other person. Should I get some help, or should I let him remain inside me and just come out when I've been battered down. Because he really only comes out when I feel battered down emotionally.  I've told myself that I wouldn't let him take over me. Afterall, I am one of the good guys.